So I haven't been on this in a while, a long while. But since I was last on here i have finished another semester of school, and its the first one in a while in which it was truly unaffected by life issues which is great. One of my best friends , Kels, and I are doing great again which makes me so happy because she's a very important part of my life and is also my ministry partner. I think what i learned the most from having her not in my life is how badly I want her in my life. Young Life this semester was fantastic and that will always be my favorite thing I do. I also have a girl friend now, Katie, which is different but a very good different. But those things is not what this is fully about only parts.
This morning Dan talked about relationships and the fear of man and trust in God. I think this might be the single handedly biggest thing i struggle with. One of the things he said that hit me the most was when he said we miss out on loving people because of fear. I think this affects quite a bit. I think it shows up the most with Katie. I am so terrified of her in so many ways. I fear I won't make her happy if she knows who I truly am by spending more and more time with me. I fear she is going to shatter my heart like it has been before. I fear that out walking one day she is going to find someone so much better. I fear my flaws will push her away. the list goes on and it definitely hinders me from loving her or even treating her the way she should. I feel I hold back and she knows I does. We have joked about the walls around my heart being the berlin wall, so strongly built up it separates us. She asked if she could tear it down and i said to her only the government could do that (myself). But really why have these walls, why fear her. She, in the short month we have been together has done more for me than anyother gf combined and yet I hide behind these walls. in proverbs 4 it says, " above all else, guard your heart." However, I think my heart is too guarded and holds me from her. I want those walls to come down and I want them to come down fast but they aren't, I am not ready or perhaps more appropriate, I'm too scared.
I also think it keeps me from loving my Young Life kids and friends. I am always trying to be that "cool" leader that the kids will look at and say man i want to follow him. but should they? should they really follow someone who has a huge fear of man and doesn't trust God nearly enough. I find myself when we play sports as guys do always trying not to lose. some of this is my natural competitiveness and other parts is just I HATE losing absolutely hate it. and the fact is are my guys going to look down on me because they beat me in something no, the fact is it will probably build them up, but i just can't do it for some reason. With my friends i think i do a better job, they don't scare me as much because they know deep down every little bit of me.
I just thought that this phase of wearing a mask to look cool or to seem like everything inside me is ok was done back in my freshman and sophomore year of high school when i was struggling with my sister. In reality, however, its still here and going strong. I need to be more trusting in God, need to. I know that when this happens, i will no longer strive to be the athlete, the comedian, the tough guy exterior will be gone and most of all I will findly find Drew, the real me. And when this happens I pray the people in my life that I care so much about, yl kids, kels, kj, katie, and so many more will still be there loving me. I also pray my love for them will be shining so bright on them.
So here's to finding Andrew Joseph Bartolacci and praying that it happens sooner than later for Katie's and others sake and for my own because i no longer want to miss out on loving people
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Father's day
Everything went back to normal this year.....
By that I mean Father's day was back to normal. This was the first time in 3 years that my dad was actually here for Father's day. As you would expect I think this one was a little more special and I did not take it for granted. I feel often we take our father's or gaurdians for granted or at least I do. But this year I made a point to tell me dad how much he means to me and I thank God that it wasn't too late.
We spent it very similar to how we always did before he was gone for the 3 previous years. My family went to church and then had breakfast at big boy where I always eat way to many waffles from the bar. After that my dad opened his gifts and read the cards. Then as usual my Dad, brother and I went out to el-dorado and played 18 holes of golf and then my dad grilled some burgers and hot dogs.
It was so great... For the past 3 years my dad was gone because of his job. He makes me so proud to be his son everyday. The 1st year he was helping hurricane katrina victims find some place to sleep at night. And the last two he was overseas in Iraq. My dad all his life has put others before himself, the typical christian. When others would think of themselves and never want to go overseas to endanger themselves he willingly heads over. He wanted to go, and that fact has always amazed me. He thought/thinks it is better for him to go then some young man my age or some guy/girl that just started a family. Which when i think about it he is so right. He has 4 kids that are all raised where some soldiers have babies on the way. Yes, he has missed several huge things of mine included my birth, and graduation from high school but he does this so I can live a better life then he did. He has shown me how to live out my faith with a quiet inner strength that just beams out of him. He is the perfect role model for me.
So as this Father's day draws to a close and I think about how the day went, I thank God for granting me a perfect dad for me. Always supporting me when he can't be there. Always showing me how and telling me to do my best. Showing me how to live out my faith and what faith truly means. And most importantly just loving me as well as he knows how.
I hope all of you had a great father's day with your dad. I pray we never take it for them for granted and don't just remember the things they do for us today, but yet remember everyday. Everyday is Father's day (and Mother's day)
God Bless!!!!!
By that I mean Father's day was back to normal. This was the first time in 3 years that my dad was actually here for Father's day. As you would expect I think this one was a little more special and I did not take it for granted. I feel often we take our father's or gaurdians for granted or at least I do. But this year I made a point to tell me dad how much he means to me and I thank God that it wasn't too late.
We spent it very similar to how we always did before he was gone for the 3 previous years. My family went to church and then had breakfast at big boy where I always eat way to many waffles from the bar. After that my dad opened his gifts and read the cards. Then as usual my Dad, brother and I went out to el-dorado and played 18 holes of golf and then my dad grilled some burgers and hot dogs.
It was so great... For the past 3 years my dad was gone because of his job. He makes me so proud to be his son everyday. The 1st year he was helping hurricane katrina victims find some place to sleep at night. And the last two he was overseas in Iraq. My dad all his life has put others before himself, the typical christian. When others would think of themselves and never want to go overseas to endanger themselves he willingly heads over. He wanted to go, and that fact has always amazed me. He thought/thinks it is better for him to go then some young man my age or some guy/girl that just started a family. Which when i think about it he is so right. He has 4 kids that are all raised where some soldiers have babies on the way. Yes, he has missed several huge things of mine included my birth, and graduation from high school but he does this so I can live a better life then he did. He has shown me how to live out my faith with a quiet inner strength that just beams out of him. He is the perfect role model for me.
So as this Father's day draws to a close and I think about how the day went, I thank God for granting me a perfect dad for me. Always supporting me when he can't be there. Always showing me how and telling me to do my best. Showing me how to live out my faith and what faith truly means. And most importantly just loving me as well as he knows how.
I hope all of you had a great father's day with your dad. I pray we never take it for them for granted and don't just remember the things they do for us today, but yet remember everyday. Everyday is Father's day (and Mother's day)
God Bless!!!!!
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Oh to be young
I have this growth and motor development class and I absolutely love it. Part of me loving it might be because i am doing so well in it. But i feel the real reason as to why i love it so much is because it shows how we mature and learn how to do the fundamental motor skills we either can or still can't do to this day.
As i was walking back from im west with chris he asked what i learned in my class today and i think he got more than he was asking for. This is because i told him we learned the 2 stages to walking and the 4 stages to running, jumping, hopping, and 3 stages for skipping, galloping, and sliding. After him telling him that i proceeded to show him all 23 stages. In my class we were shown videos of each kid and what stage they were currently in.
It was awesome to see this kids attempted these skills. The kids in the video were so full of life and so happy to be running and attemping to skip but really not skipping at all and almost fall over hopping.
Mostly what i was thinking while i was watching this was how innocent and care-free these kids truly are. I remember way back when i was younger i would just be hanging out with my mom all day riding my exercise bike, commentating playing basketball (those 2 for those who have seen my kid videos) and basically doing whatever i wanted and not thinking about how sick the grass really is going to taste when i eat it out of the ground. It was so great being a kid, not worrying about if a bug is on you or what people think of you if you eat your own boogers or whatever it may be. You just live the day for the day and thats it.
Now that i am no longer a child or even a teen and going on 21 i feel that is gone. My choices almost get scutinized by others and i find myself not doing the same things like commentating basketball or eating grass (probably better). i will say i do still somewhat commentate video games haha. At the same time i really shouldn't care what other people think and that comes and goes.
for example lifting in im west with chris. We would have never done that as a kid, what kid lifts to feel good or look good. But as we grow older and our metabolisms slow down we lose the ability to run around and do whatever we want not getting tired so we have to do these things. I enjoy lifting very much however its a stress reliever and it makes me feel good and strong and will ultimately help me later in life.
That last sentence pretty much sums this blog up. All the things i do now: running, tennis, basketball, lifting, frisbee, ultimate will all help me later in life. At the root of all of these things are the fundamental motor skills. As we continue to be a part of these physical activities the longer into life these abilities will last. It's not as easy as being 7 and doing whatever you want and still being able to do things. This is a must to stay healthy now-a-days as i am 20. So i am thankful that God has blessed me with these fundamental motor skills and the abilities to do what i do at the level i can do them at.
If your interested to see what stage you do things at let me know i can test you!!
God Bless!
As i was walking back from im west with chris he asked what i learned in my class today and i think he got more than he was asking for. This is because i told him we learned the 2 stages to walking and the 4 stages to running, jumping, hopping, and 3 stages for skipping, galloping, and sliding. After him telling him that i proceeded to show him all 23 stages. In my class we were shown videos of each kid and what stage they were currently in.
It was awesome to see this kids attempted these skills. The kids in the video were so full of life and so happy to be running and attemping to skip but really not skipping at all and almost fall over hopping.
Mostly what i was thinking while i was watching this was how innocent and care-free these kids truly are. I remember way back when i was younger i would just be hanging out with my mom all day riding my exercise bike, commentating playing basketball (those 2 for those who have seen my kid videos) and basically doing whatever i wanted and not thinking about how sick the grass really is going to taste when i eat it out of the ground. It was so great being a kid, not worrying about if a bug is on you or what people think of you if you eat your own boogers or whatever it may be. You just live the day for the day and thats it.
Now that i am no longer a child or even a teen and going on 21 i feel that is gone. My choices almost get scutinized by others and i find myself not doing the same things like commentating basketball or eating grass (probably better). i will say i do still somewhat commentate video games haha. At the same time i really shouldn't care what other people think and that comes and goes.
for example lifting in im west with chris. We would have never done that as a kid, what kid lifts to feel good or look good. But as we grow older and our metabolisms slow down we lose the ability to run around and do whatever we want not getting tired so we have to do these things. I enjoy lifting very much however its a stress reliever and it makes me feel good and strong and will ultimately help me later in life.
That last sentence pretty much sums this blog up. All the things i do now: running, tennis, basketball, lifting, frisbee, ultimate will all help me later in life. At the root of all of these things are the fundamental motor skills. As we continue to be a part of these physical activities the longer into life these abilities will last. It's not as easy as being 7 and doing whatever you want and still being able to do things. This is a must to stay healthy now-a-days as i am 20. So i am thankful that God has blessed me with these fundamental motor skills and the abilities to do what i do at the level i can do them at.
If your interested to see what stage you do things at let me know i can test you!!
God Bless!
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
growing older
So this past weekend I attended 7 open houses and the weekend before I went to 2. From attending these it made me think of how far I have come in the past 2 years. I have grown as a person and I think as a follwer of Christ and today thats what I am comparing.
2006:
In 2006 i was a senior at mason high and for the first year i played only two sports instead of the usual three. It gave me a sort of a calm feeling and a lot more free time to spend with my friends and what they were doing. In the fall, I went to a work weekend and then timberwolf which developed my relationship with Kacey. In the winter, basketball of course started and that is when Kacey and I also started dating. It was a rough year of basketball and probably the first and only time I have ever been able to say that. I was buried on the bench for being "too small" although in practices no one could really guard me. It was definitely tough dealing with that. I also took on more of a role in young life moving from a wyldlife junior leader to a young life junior leader. Which in the 1st semester of my senior year i loved. I was in a great place, I had God, athletics, friends, and a girl what more could a senior guy ask for. In the spring, however, is really when i got tested. We found out in february that indeed my dad would be headed over to iraq and we were just waiting on his departure date. We eventually found out it would be may 26th (my last day of high school). Building up to this date i was having a great year of tennis.... losing only 4 matches on my way to leagues and regionals. Leagues was so special to me because it was the last tournament my dad was able to see. Before heading into my championship match (about 9 hours into the day and 2 matches later dad there the whole time) i prayed hard for God to let me play my best for my dad one more time to make him proud. I started real slow losing the first set 6-1 and being down 2-5 in the second (okay so real slow may be an understatement) then my coach told me to play like i did my freshman year which is all lobs and blocking the ball back. i came back to win the match winning 1-6, 7-5, 6-2 and then that night cried in bed because I was able to win for my dad. Last day of school came around and i got up early and my dad made me french toast (only time he ever did that) we took a picture and then he was off and i wouldnt see him again until 2007. After he left i still had my graduation speech and an open house and college awaited. In regards to young life i was pretty much sick of it and was going because i felt i had to rather than wanting too. Over the summer on workcrew that quickly changed into me loving younglife and possibly wanting to do it for the rest of my life.
2008:
I am now a college junior (very scary to almost be in the real world). My dad is now home which i love and my relationship with him is so good which is something i have never been able to say. I have dinner once a week with my mom which is also so great. I no longer am with Kacey which has had mixed feelings since the break up but ultimately I feel content right now with where I am at. With that, a lot of stress has left and i just love life currently. There is a female interest and we will see where God takes that. As for my life in general it feels so completely different. I am now a jv basketball coach at east lansing for what will be the 2nd year this coming season. I have changed my major from accounting my freshman year to kinesiology. Which ultimately suits me so much more since i love sports and i love this coaching position. I am a young life leader at east lansing and i can't tell you how much i love doing that. Those kids there have taught me so much and brought so much joy in my life. Workcrew and being a leader has really showed me that Young Life is my passion and I hope to be doing this for a long time. My relationships with friends took hits this year with a lot of them being pretty ruined i must say. Although as i look at them now a lot of them have changed for the better. I think my overall attitude is a lot more laid-back. My relationship with God has endured a lot this year with the death of my grandma who taught me mostly everything about God and sadly the breakup with Kacey affected it also. I feel like the turn around of this year was when my friend Katie sat me down in shaw hall and really made me unleash everything. She sat and listened for probably an hour before she even said a word. Which to me was remarkable most people have to interject but not her. She listened and listened and then when i was done said what she wanted. That 3,4 or 5 hours, was i think what turned the year around. Before the talk i was a lost person trying to find things to do to keep my mind off my life. Now, i am tons of free time and i love it and it has made me back into that joyous person i once was. My relationship with God is not quite what it once was yet but i feel this wilderness trip with my guys will be the boost i need.
Overall i just feel so much more grown up although an el parent told me i look like im 15 and not 20 on sunday. I feel more wise in regards to life. I am excited as to where i am going to be in 2 more years and to be able to write this again. I pray i will know God more in that 2 years and that their will be some life changing relationships/conversations/experiences that will happen.
So heres to the next 2 years!
2006:
In 2006 i was a senior at mason high and for the first year i played only two sports instead of the usual three. It gave me a sort of a calm feeling and a lot more free time to spend with my friends and what they were doing. In the fall, I went to a work weekend and then timberwolf which developed my relationship with Kacey. In the winter, basketball of course started and that is when Kacey and I also started dating. It was a rough year of basketball and probably the first and only time I have ever been able to say that. I was buried on the bench for being "too small" although in practices no one could really guard me. It was definitely tough dealing with that. I also took on more of a role in young life moving from a wyldlife junior leader to a young life junior leader. Which in the 1st semester of my senior year i loved. I was in a great place, I had God, athletics, friends, and a girl what more could a senior guy ask for. In the spring, however, is really when i got tested. We found out in february that indeed my dad would be headed over to iraq and we were just waiting on his departure date. We eventually found out it would be may 26th (my last day of high school). Building up to this date i was having a great year of tennis.... losing only 4 matches on my way to leagues and regionals. Leagues was so special to me because it was the last tournament my dad was able to see. Before heading into my championship match (about 9 hours into the day and 2 matches later dad there the whole time) i prayed hard for God to let me play my best for my dad one more time to make him proud. I started real slow losing the first set 6-1 and being down 2-5 in the second (okay so real slow may be an understatement) then my coach told me to play like i did my freshman year which is all lobs and blocking the ball back. i came back to win the match winning 1-6, 7-5, 6-2 and then that night cried in bed because I was able to win for my dad. Last day of school came around and i got up early and my dad made me french toast (only time he ever did that) we took a picture and then he was off and i wouldnt see him again until 2007. After he left i still had my graduation speech and an open house and college awaited. In regards to young life i was pretty much sick of it and was going because i felt i had to rather than wanting too. Over the summer on workcrew that quickly changed into me loving younglife and possibly wanting to do it for the rest of my life.
2008:
I am now a college junior (very scary to almost be in the real world). My dad is now home which i love and my relationship with him is so good which is something i have never been able to say. I have dinner once a week with my mom which is also so great. I no longer am with Kacey which has had mixed feelings since the break up but ultimately I feel content right now with where I am at. With that, a lot of stress has left and i just love life currently. There is a female interest and we will see where God takes that. As for my life in general it feels so completely different. I am now a jv basketball coach at east lansing for what will be the 2nd year this coming season. I have changed my major from accounting my freshman year to kinesiology. Which ultimately suits me so much more since i love sports and i love this coaching position. I am a young life leader at east lansing and i can't tell you how much i love doing that. Those kids there have taught me so much and brought so much joy in my life. Workcrew and being a leader has really showed me that Young Life is my passion and I hope to be doing this for a long time. My relationships with friends took hits this year with a lot of them being pretty ruined i must say. Although as i look at them now a lot of them have changed for the better. I think my overall attitude is a lot more laid-back. My relationship with God has endured a lot this year with the death of my grandma who taught me mostly everything about God and sadly the breakup with Kacey affected it also. I feel like the turn around of this year was when my friend Katie sat me down in shaw hall and really made me unleash everything. She sat and listened for probably an hour before she even said a word. Which to me was remarkable most people have to interject but not her. She listened and listened and then when i was done said what she wanted. That 3,4 or 5 hours, was i think what turned the year around. Before the talk i was a lost person trying to find things to do to keep my mind off my life. Now, i am tons of free time and i love it and it has made me back into that joyous person i once was. My relationship with God is not quite what it once was yet but i feel this wilderness trip with my guys will be the boost i need.
Overall i just feel so much more grown up although an el parent told me i look like im 15 and not 20 on sunday. I feel more wise in regards to life. I am excited as to where i am going to be in 2 more years and to be able to write this again. I pray i will know God more in that 2 years and that their will be some life changing relationships/conversations/experiences that will happen.
So heres to the next 2 years!
Friday, June 6, 2008
boredom
Today as i sit at im circle for going on hour 3 of 6 i realize how truly boring this job is. Especially when you have nothing to do. I'll give you a run-down on everything i have done this week in regards to my actually job and then everything ive done not in regards to my actually job
job-
answered the phone twice so far today and probably no more than 12 times all week. Monday and wednesday and today i will turn off lights and lock the front door. Handed out 4 basketballs- two to the same person on separate days. Handed out the dance room key twice.
not job-
facebooked, watched tennis, watch real word hollywood, watched a shot at love (haha sad i know), watched american gladiators, watched the paper, read every article on espn every day pretty much, made 92-100 free throws on wednesday (real proud of that) texted, talked on the phone to my dad, mom, kelsey neil, my friend peter, tmo, chris, katie jason, read blogs, made a profile for eharmony.com and winked at someone hahaha so funny. read the newspaper, read the lansing state journal online. wrote a paper, studied for an exam, ate, wandered around.
as you can see i pretty much do nothing while i sit here for 4-6 hours and its really hard to keep myself entertained. even the lifegaurds come in and are say things like, " you're still here??" or "how bored are you?" and i just have to smile and say yup sure am and very. I think its just because i sit up here by myself and i am someone that needs to be with someone to talk to. i almost feel like i am in jail and in solitary confinement. I need to get out or i will just lose my head and start having conversations with myself or am i doing that right now on this?? thats the plus of this job during the school year working with fun people and having conversations about life. so if any of you are free mon and wed- 4-8 and tues/thursday 11-4 please come hang out with me so i won't lose my mind!!!
whelp off to find something to do since the pool is now closed and no one else will come in now.. in the words of jim helper... Lord, beer me strength
job-
answered the phone twice so far today and probably no more than 12 times all week. Monday and wednesday and today i will turn off lights and lock the front door. Handed out 4 basketballs- two to the same person on separate days. Handed out the dance room key twice.
not job-
facebooked, watched tennis, watch real word hollywood, watched a shot at love (haha sad i know), watched american gladiators, watched the paper, read every article on espn every day pretty much, made 92-100 free throws on wednesday (real proud of that) texted, talked on the phone to my dad, mom, kelsey neil, my friend peter, tmo, chris, katie jason, read blogs, made a profile for eharmony.com and winked at someone hahaha so funny. read the newspaper, read the lansing state journal online. wrote a paper, studied for an exam, ate, wandered around.
as you can see i pretty much do nothing while i sit here for 4-6 hours and its really hard to keep myself entertained. even the lifegaurds come in and are say things like, " you're still here??" or "how bored are you?" and i just have to smile and say yup sure am and very. I think its just because i sit up here by myself and i am someone that needs to be with someone to talk to. i almost feel like i am in jail and in solitary confinement. I need to get out or i will just lose my head and start having conversations with myself or am i doing that right now on this?? thats the plus of this job during the school year working with fun people and having conversations about life. so if any of you are free mon and wed- 4-8 and tues/thursday 11-4 please come hang out with me so i won't lose my mind!!!
whelp off to find something to do since the pool is now closed and no one else will come in now.. in the words of jim helper... Lord, beer me strength
Monday, May 5, 2008
decisions
How do you know when something is right?? I have been trying to figure out that question for probably over a year and a half. What is the right decision with everything I decide to do. I feel like in some of my biggest decisions I always tend to choose the wrong thing. This effects relationships, jobs, summers, education, and my own feelings. Some of my decisions have come back to haunt me, some more than others. Maybe its the feeling of wanting what you can't have or wanting your cake and eating it too. I have chosen between colleges, sports, parties, girls, jobs, and other huge things. The last two seem to always screw me over the most. Now I don't regret any of these decisions but, I think sometimes i wish knew the plans God has for me. Like if he would just put giant billboards on jobs or decisions that are right and wrong. For example, walking down the street instead of just seeing a girl i would see the girl and a giant sign that says, nope bad choice, or like this is the girl you will marry talk to her. It would make things so much easier!! Yes i think also it would take the learning experience out of dating and stuff but it would lead to less brokenness i think. I just wish this would have been the case in my last 2 decisions:
One being this summer i have chosen to delay my entry into the military and continue schooling and not be delayed in that. This was a very tough choice but i feel like getting the education first will ultimately be a great decision. The money aspect of the military is just so helpful. Being able to graduate without a single loan is almost too good to pass up. But I have put my education and my younglife kids 1st before the money and I think that is what is right. I continue to struggle to put myself 1st in situations and constantly am thinking of others.
That last sentence ultimately brought pounds and pounds of stress on me last year as i was/put myself in an awful situation. If you know me you know what that situation was. I had to pick between two fantastic things. One which hurt me but was safe i thought and the other full of caring and compassion and what I thought would be a risk since i would have to put myself out there again. I made the safe choice which ultimately wasn't safe at all. I find myself now-a-days wanting the other. Like I said earlier I dont regret the choice I made, I kinda just wish I knew what I know now. That decision though ultimately screwed me over now that I am wanting this other thing. I've lost trust and reliability and the fact that I can't say whelp I won't hurt you since i already did. But I do treasure what I have now, but, can't something great be greater? Until then though, I will do what I can to gain the trust back and we will see what happens, it may be a stretch but I am willing to try. This thing is so pure and beautiful and compassionate and honest how can you pass it up
So heres to decision making and God teaching us lessons along the way
One being this summer i have chosen to delay my entry into the military and continue schooling and not be delayed in that. This was a very tough choice but i feel like getting the education first will ultimately be a great decision. The money aspect of the military is just so helpful. Being able to graduate without a single loan is almost too good to pass up. But I have put my education and my younglife kids 1st before the money and I think that is what is right. I continue to struggle to put myself 1st in situations and constantly am thinking of others.
That last sentence ultimately brought pounds and pounds of stress on me last year as i was/put myself in an awful situation. If you know me you know what that situation was. I had to pick between two fantastic things. One which hurt me but was safe i thought and the other full of caring and compassion and what I thought would be a risk since i would have to put myself out there again. I made the safe choice which ultimately wasn't safe at all. I find myself now-a-days wanting the other. Like I said earlier I dont regret the choice I made, I kinda just wish I knew what I know now. That decision though ultimately screwed me over now that I am wanting this other thing. I've lost trust and reliability and the fact that I can't say whelp I won't hurt you since i already did. But I do treasure what I have now, but, can't something great be greater? Until then though, I will do what I can to gain the trust back and we will see what happens, it may be a stretch but I am willing to try. This thing is so pure and beautiful and compassionate and honest how can you pass it up
So heres to decision making and God teaching us lessons along the way
Sunday, April 13, 2008
refreshing
So the last two days have actually been good days......
Friday....
Friday is the day that i wake up the earliest all week because of my 8 am physics lab which i am never excited to go to because the girl that i usually work with well 1 of them (i work with 2 because for some reason the guy i am suppose to be with is never there) she is kinda scary. She is really nice before and after the lab when we walk out and discuss what our plans are for the weekend but during the lab she means business. I am more of the guy that is down to business but likes to enjoy himself and kind of talk throughout it. Well on this certain lab, another girls( i think her name was kate??) partner was gone so i got told to work with her. I learned more about kate then i did the other two girls that i work with in like 5 minutes. she like told me her life right there and it was awesome. I know she plays soccer at msu and shes from the suburbs of chicago near naperville and she is an outside mid and she got that spot because she loved running and her sister also played outside mid. Her high school is really small and she didnt really play high school soccer just club. Kate is also in my anatomy class so that probably helped since we see each other 3 days a week. But it was just so awesome that she actually talked!! usually i will ask the girl i work with how her week was and it falls upon deaf ears, not kate. We talked about the anatomy exam and that class and how she had a scrimmage this coming weekend , and what young life was and she thought that was cool. Basically i made a knew friend and i am hoping her partner isn't there again so i can work with someone who talks back....
After that i just kinda hung out til leadership and gorged myself with tacos which was a bad idea, then played basketball which was probably the down part of the day given i couldn't throw the ball in the ocean when the previous day i couldn't miss even if i wanted to.
But then i got to talk to my really good friend andre'a from minnesota on the way out to williamston to hang out with kate (katie sweeney). That was probably the highlight of the day....through various reasons we kind of broke a part this year and with a could 4 hour chat a couple weeks ago things are a little different..i am grateful to her that she truly cares so much about me to really stay put in my life and make sure i know she is always there. We just hung out and watched a couple movies and laughed a lot talking about oatmeal baths, and crunchy peanut butter and rasberries and blueberries. it was something that was so comfortable and so great and something i have missed for a really long time. so thanks kate!
Today, i just relaxed i went to lunch with my fam at pizza house. Talked military and sports with my dad, made a workout plan for my bro and punched my sister in the leg as usual. After i went shopping with my mom and sis and i got a couple bible magazines, 2 nooma videos and a couple shirts. all in all i made out pretty sweet id say. While we were in the christian store, tony called me because my battery died in my car which he took so we jumped it and made our way home. It was awesome hangin out with tony for a majority of the afternoon-evening, he is just a really great time and it was nothing but laughs and good music and great sale buying at meijer. (10 pot pies for 5 dollars how sweet) i then lifted and then hung out some more.
So here is to hoping for a good sunday!!!
Happy Birthday Grace Elizabeth Parker!!!!
Friday....
Friday is the day that i wake up the earliest all week because of my 8 am physics lab which i am never excited to go to because the girl that i usually work with well 1 of them (i work with 2 because for some reason the guy i am suppose to be with is never there) she is kinda scary. She is really nice before and after the lab when we walk out and discuss what our plans are for the weekend but during the lab she means business. I am more of the guy that is down to business but likes to enjoy himself and kind of talk throughout it. Well on this certain lab, another girls( i think her name was kate??) partner was gone so i got told to work with her. I learned more about kate then i did the other two girls that i work with in like 5 minutes. she like told me her life right there and it was awesome. I know she plays soccer at msu and shes from the suburbs of chicago near naperville and she is an outside mid and she got that spot because she loved running and her sister also played outside mid. Her high school is really small and she didnt really play high school soccer just club. Kate is also in my anatomy class so that probably helped since we see each other 3 days a week. But it was just so awesome that she actually talked!! usually i will ask the girl i work with how her week was and it falls upon deaf ears, not kate. We talked about the anatomy exam and that class and how she had a scrimmage this coming weekend , and what young life was and she thought that was cool. Basically i made a knew friend and i am hoping her partner isn't there again so i can work with someone who talks back....
After that i just kinda hung out til leadership and gorged myself with tacos which was a bad idea, then played basketball which was probably the down part of the day given i couldn't throw the ball in the ocean when the previous day i couldn't miss even if i wanted to.
But then i got to talk to my really good friend andre'a from minnesota on the way out to williamston to hang out with kate (katie sweeney). That was probably the highlight of the day....through various reasons we kind of broke a part this year and with a could 4 hour chat a couple weeks ago things are a little different..i am grateful to her that she truly cares so much about me to really stay put in my life and make sure i know she is always there. We just hung out and watched a couple movies and laughed a lot talking about oatmeal baths, and crunchy peanut butter and rasberries and blueberries. it was something that was so comfortable and so great and something i have missed for a really long time. so thanks kate!
Today, i just relaxed i went to lunch with my fam at pizza house. Talked military and sports with my dad, made a workout plan for my bro and punched my sister in the leg as usual. After i went shopping with my mom and sis and i got a couple bible magazines, 2 nooma videos and a couple shirts. all in all i made out pretty sweet id say. While we were in the christian store, tony called me because my battery died in my car which he took so we jumped it and made our way home. It was awesome hangin out with tony for a majority of the afternoon-evening, he is just a really great time and it was nothing but laughs and good music and great sale buying at meijer. (10 pot pies for 5 dollars how sweet) i then lifted and then hung out some more.
So here is to hoping for a good sunday!!!
Happy Birthday Grace Elizabeth Parker!!!!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
The weekend
So, like everyone else in the area I tried to spend as much time outside as I could this weekend. With it being in the 60's who couldn't. People are out everywhere having a good time throwing frisbees around and running and various other activities. And that's the part i will probably never understand. The whole cedar fest and then the just drinking during the day because its nice out. All down my street there was bag game after bag game and beer pong table after beer pong table and this started early real early like it was st patricks day. I just don't understand why the only way some people can have fun is alcohol. if its not there they can't have a good time.
Then the whole cedar fest thing is honestly embarrassing. I wasn't even there and i was embarrassed for east lansing and for michigan state university. I could easily hear the festivities from my house a couple blocks away while i took my studies first with two exams coming up. And i wake in the morning to see it plastered all over the national news. Just so sad, honestly. People chanting to be tear gassed, girls exposing themselves, people throwing bottles at innocent people doing nothing but hanging out in the same spot as them. Then to read on some comments about how oo it wouldnt have happened if the police werent there. They stood there until they were abused and did the right thing. as it escilated so did their handle how the situation. I commend the police for what they did and how they reacted. And as for the students and the other people that were there, you are dispicable honestly. now i know some people went just to say they were there and left but the people that participated just to be in a riot and to be tear gassed just humilate themselves. That is nothing to be proud of, not something you want to tell your kids when your older, or your grandkids. I would much rather tell my kids about how i helped teens in high school find and learn about Christ with the words of God coming out of my mouth, than to say i got teargassed because i was an ignorant college student. but there is my rant about that
through out my runs this weekend and being outside in the gorgeous weather i attended a funeral. This funeral was for my friends madison's dad roger. I knew roger a little bit but not that much because madison and i were more friends in middle school than in high school. But what i saw madison do at this funeral was nothing short of amazing. Him and his sister wanted to play this cd for their dad but it wasn't working, so Madison did something incredible. He had something written down but i dont think he had any intention of going up to the podium and talking, but he did and with so much courage. He stood up there perfectly straight, he had a blank i cant believe this has happened look on his face and looked everyone right in the eye. He talked soft as i would imagine that is all he could muster up from the overwhelming situation and talked about his dad and how he was always a fighter. (roger was always sick with something cancer twice and various other things) Madison fought back tears while everyone else in the room sobbed with what was coming out of his mouth, such truth, such courage, so real. He finished by saying his dads last words to him came in a text in which roger said, "son i am so proud of you and i love you." when madison said this the room sank and was full of sniffling noses. and then as if that was hard enough for him to say he follows it up with," you know if i had one more thing to say to my dad i think i would say the exact same thing." as he said this he stumbled and so did everyone else. He had so many tears flowing from my eyes, something that didnt even happen at my gma funeral as sad as that is for me to say. I was just thinking as i left i dont think i could do that, i dont think i could have the courage to do that, i dont think i would get through it. It was one of the most courageous things i have seen in my 20 year life and i thank madison for allowing me to be apart of it.
As for everyone who has lost someone recently i leave you with the words that were on the program that i think are so meaningful.
I am not far away, I will always surround you
Then the whole cedar fest thing is honestly embarrassing. I wasn't even there and i was embarrassed for east lansing and for michigan state university. I could easily hear the festivities from my house a couple blocks away while i took my studies first with two exams coming up. And i wake in the morning to see it plastered all over the national news. Just so sad, honestly. People chanting to be tear gassed, girls exposing themselves, people throwing bottles at innocent people doing nothing but hanging out in the same spot as them. Then to read on some comments about how oo it wouldnt have happened if the police werent there. They stood there until they were abused and did the right thing. as it escilated so did their handle how the situation. I commend the police for what they did and how they reacted. And as for the students and the other people that were there, you are dispicable honestly. now i know some people went just to say they were there and left but the people that participated just to be in a riot and to be tear gassed just humilate themselves. That is nothing to be proud of, not something you want to tell your kids when your older, or your grandkids. I would much rather tell my kids about how i helped teens in high school find and learn about Christ with the words of God coming out of my mouth, than to say i got teargassed because i was an ignorant college student. but there is my rant about that
through out my runs this weekend and being outside in the gorgeous weather i attended a funeral. This funeral was for my friends madison's dad roger. I knew roger a little bit but not that much because madison and i were more friends in middle school than in high school. But what i saw madison do at this funeral was nothing short of amazing. Him and his sister wanted to play this cd for their dad but it wasn't working, so Madison did something incredible. He had something written down but i dont think he had any intention of going up to the podium and talking, but he did and with so much courage. He stood up there perfectly straight, he had a blank i cant believe this has happened look on his face and looked everyone right in the eye. He talked soft as i would imagine that is all he could muster up from the overwhelming situation and talked about his dad and how he was always a fighter. (roger was always sick with something cancer twice and various other things) Madison fought back tears while everyone else in the room sobbed with what was coming out of his mouth, such truth, such courage, so real. He finished by saying his dads last words to him came in a text in which roger said, "son i am so proud of you and i love you." when madison said this the room sank and was full of sniffling noses. and then as if that was hard enough for him to say he follows it up with," you know if i had one more thing to say to my dad i think i would say the exact same thing." as he said this he stumbled and so did everyone else. He had so many tears flowing from my eyes, something that didnt even happen at my gma funeral as sad as that is for me to say. I was just thinking as i left i dont think i could do that, i dont think i could have the courage to do that, i dont think i would get through it. It was one of the most courageous things i have seen in my 20 year life and i thank madison for allowing me to be apart of it.
As for everyone who has lost someone recently i leave you with the words that were on the program that i think are so meaningful.
I am not far away, I will always surround you
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Balancing on a wire
So, one of my favorite verses in the Bible is 1st Corinthians 10:13. The Message Bibles version of this verse is the following...
No test or temptaion that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.
This verse has gotten me through a lot in my life. Mainly the big struggle that we had with my eldest sister (if you would like to know what this is please ask I will tell you). Anyway this is one of the firsr verses I came across as a new christian fresh out of Young Life camp in North Carolina. I found it the day after I ran away from my house to get away from my sister. Life was rough. And I thought to myself this isn't that bad I will get through it and you know what I did. I have continually used it in my testimony that I tell people because I feel its an influential verse.
However, for some reason I have been doubting this verse or just wondering what exactly my limit is. I feel as though I am at my limit. 90-95% of my relationships have taken hits with probably half of those taking giant hits and being like ruined unintentially. For example this one friend and I were so close hanging out, talking about life all the time, and now its like an after thought. I'm an outcast and maybe I turned myself into that for being so somber and broken hearted. I mean sometimes I don't even want to be around myself sometimes. This group of us use to always go play tennis and now that its getting warmer that means more tennis. Which really might be my favorite sport to play. However, I was in my room the other night doing hw and they were in the other room talking about playing and bringing up the question who the 4th would be. One said well, drew will play. And then another said eh probably not lets get this person instead. To hear that shattered me and just showed how much these relationships have really changed. I am just full of this empty feeling. Like, I know God is there but its like there is a big sheet of glass in my way. Maybe I am being taught something that is just not catching on I am not sure. But this verse is scaring me right now because I feel I am at my limits and if I'm not i don't want to know what's going to happen next. Maybe it's just time to let everything out to someone, but after being shut down by so many people I don't know where to begin. I run to get it out now, but I can only run my little legs so far before I can't run anymore. I can only lift for so long before I lose muscle function.
Basically I'm lost, or at least I think I'm lost. God, show me my way out, don't let me down. Help me start climbing out of this hole, its deep and lonely. I love you please help
No test or temptaion that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.
This verse has gotten me through a lot in my life. Mainly the big struggle that we had with my eldest sister (if you would like to know what this is please ask I will tell you). Anyway this is one of the firsr verses I came across as a new christian fresh out of Young Life camp in North Carolina. I found it the day after I ran away from my house to get away from my sister. Life was rough. And I thought to myself this isn't that bad I will get through it and you know what I did. I have continually used it in my testimony that I tell people because I feel its an influential verse.
However, for some reason I have been doubting this verse or just wondering what exactly my limit is. I feel as though I am at my limit. 90-95% of my relationships have taken hits with probably half of those taking giant hits and being like ruined unintentially. For example this one friend and I were so close hanging out, talking about life all the time, and now its like an after thought. I'm an outcast and maybe I turned myself into that for being so somber and broken hearted. I mean sometimes I don't even want to be around myself sometimes. This group of us use to always go play tennis and now that its getting warmer that means more tennis. Which really might be my favorite sport to play. However, I was in my room the other night doing hw and they were in the other room talking about playing and bringing up the question who the 4th would be. One said well, drew will play. And then another said eh probably not lets get this person instead. To hear that shattered me and just showed how much these relationships have really changed. I am just full of this empty feeling. Like, I know God is there but its like there is a big sheet of glass in my way. Maybe I am being taught something that is just not catching on I am not sure. But this verse is scaring me right now because I feel I am at my limits and if I'm not i don't want to know what's going to happen next. Maybe it's just time to let everything out to someone, but after being shut down by so many people I don't know where to begin. I run to get it out now, but I can only run my little legs so far before I can't run anymore. I can only lift for so long before I lose muscle function.
Basically I'm lost, or at least I think I'm lost. God, show me my way out, don't let me down. Help me start climbing out of this hole, its deep and lonely. I love you please help
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Future
So I have recently been looking into the military. I took the ASVAB (Armed services vocational apititude battery) last week to see what jobs i would qualify for in the Army. I infact do qualify for most of them which wasn't much of a surprise really. But basically the decision is on my mind and has been on my mind basically since high school. Should I join the military or not?
I guess in past situations it never felt like it was the right time to join. But this time for some reasons feels different. Maybe its because I don't really feel a sense of belonging or a need to be around MSU or the mid michigan area. With relationships crumbling and my happiest moments of my day being in a weight room or at work or in an anatomy class that could be why i am thinking of this now. But its so much more than that.
My dad would be thinking i was doing it because of him when in reality he plays a part but is not the deciding factor at all. He plays a part in two ways... 1 is because i know the effect it can have on a family and 2 is he is my hero and i can only try to be half the man he is. I would love to serve my country and preserve what i have been given.
Here are basically my pros and cons.......
pros
I would be able to get a ton of money for college around 80,000 dollars to be exact which would leave me debt free leaving college which is amazing to say the least to think about
I would be in the best shape of my life after doing bootcamp
My leadership roles for coaching or even young life would be increased I believe
A sense of dicipline would be added to my life.
Something to give back to the country that so freely allows people to bash and protest wars that in reality they have no clue what is really going on because the media only shows the bad side (that hits a nerve a little bit if you couldnt tell).
It looks good on resumes for later in life
Travel
Cons
The one con i have is probably like 3 combined into one and thats the main reason im writing this. every now and then espn just amazes me with articles they write. This past one is about a high school quarterback/husband/dad that goes overseas to fight in the iraqi freedom war which has been going on for 5 years now thus the article. The only problem is he didn't come back. This is the article http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=conley . This article i read tonight at work almost put me in tears. I work with two girls so i couldn't do that. But the beginning of this article is what hurts me the most. The mom telling the little girl stories of the dad she will never meet. Thats what terrifies me. I want to be there for every second i can of my childrens life i want to be there to tell them bedtime stories. i cant imagine my wife having to tell my little girl stories of me because i am gone. With my dad missing a lot of my things because of the military (my birth, 17 of 20 birthdays, graduation, openhouse, tennis states, numerous others) I want to be there for those things for my kid. What if i die overseas? I say that in the way of thinking about family. i know it will hurt some friends and all but my family is truly the ones that love me. friends come and go family doesnt.
But at the same time what my dad told me in an e-mail after i yelled at him for not being there for those things. He wrote painfully im sure and with his heart being hurt, you know son thats just how much i love you. i was willing to sacriface myself for you, so you could live in a great country and live a great life. when i took this job i knew that was part of it. i am sorry for how i have hurt you but its just something i chose."
some how those words helped and i understand. If you want to you can relate it to Jesus forgiving our sins so we can live a better life you know. but the fact is he didn't die overseas and he is still with me little catherine wasn't so lucky in that article. What if my lil drew or catherine wasn't so lucky either. is that a risk i am willing to take?
So thats the decision that has to be made. is now the right time and i guess when eventually it happens or doesn't happen i will know now is the time.
Please all of you read that article its fantastic, my prayers go out to you lil catherine and nicole keep telling her about him hes a hero
I guess in past situations it never felt like it was the right time to join. But this time for some reasons feels different. Maybe its because I don't really feel a sense of belonging or a need to be around MSU or the mid michigan area. With relationships crumbling and my happiest moments of my day being in a weight room or at work or in an anatomy class that could be why i am thinking of this now. But its so much more than that.
My dad would be thinking i was doing it because of him when in reality he plays a part but is not the deciding factor at all. He plays a part in two ways... 1 is because i know the effect it can have on a family and 2 is he is my hero and i can only try to be half the man he is. I would love to serve my country and preserve what i have been given.
Here are basically my pros and cons.......
pros
I would be able to get a ton of money for college around 80,000 dollars to be exact which would leave me debt free leaving college which is amazing to say the least to think about
I would be in the best shape of my life after doing bootcamp
My leadership roles for coaching or even young life would be increased I believe
A sense of dicipline would be added to my life.
Something to give back to the country that so freely allows people to bash and protest wars that in reality they have no clue what is really going on because the media only shows the bad side (that hits a nerve a little bit if you couldnt tell).
It looks good on resumes for later in life
Travel
Cons
The one con i have is probably like 3 combined into one and thats the main reason im writing this. every now and then espn just amazes me with articles they write. This past one is about a high school quarterback/husband/dad that goes overseas to fight in the iraqi freedom war which has been going on for 5 years now thus the article. The only problem is he didn't come back. This is the article http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/eticket/story?page=conley . This article i read tonight at work almost put me in tears. I work with two girls so i couldn't do that. But the beginning of this article is what hurts me the most. The mom telling the little girl stories of the dad she will never meet. Thats what terrifies me. I want to be there for every second i can of my childrens life i want to be there to tell them bedtime stories. i cant imagine my wife having to tell my little girl stories of me because i am gone. With my dad missing a lot of my things because of the military (my birth, 17 of 20 birthdays, graduation, openhouse, tennis states, numerous others) I want to be there for those things for my kid. What if i die overseas? I say that in the way of thinking about family. i know it will hurt some friends and all but my family is truly the ones that love me. friends come and go family doesnt.
But at the same time what my dad told me in an e-mail after i yelled at him for not being there for those things. He wrote painfully im sure and with his heart being hurt, you know son thats just how much i love you. i was willing to sacriface myself for you, so you could live in a great country and live a great life. when i took this job i knew that was part of it. i am sorry for how i have hurt you but its just something i chose."
some how those words helped and i understand. If you want to you can relate it to Jesus forgiving our sins so we can live a better life you know. but the fact is he didn't die overseas and he is still with me little catherine wasn't so lucky in that article. What if my lil drew or catherine wasn't so lucky either. is that a risk i am willing to take?
So thats the decision that has to be made. is now the right time and i guess when eventually it happens or doesn't happen i will know now is the time.
Please all of you read that article its fantastic, my prayers go out to you lil catherine and nicole keep telling her about him hes a hero
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
tired of things
It's getting real old....real fast. Everything is just in a constant circle just a never ending path of crap. People in my life right now are frustrating. Thats it on that though.
The last two night I have witnessed something that I personally miss so much. I have gone to a guys regional semi basketball game and a girls quarterfinal game. First off, the thing that amazes me and dissapoints me about these games is El's student section. They show up in great numbers but are just so quiet. Their teams are amazing and all of their sports have had an incredible showing this year with football and soccer making to the state semi's and boys tennis winning a state title. You would think the students would have more spirit and enthusiasum when cheering on their beloved trojans but yet they get out done by schools that travel 2-3 hours away and have less kids there then them. That just astounds me especially in games as big as these.
anyways the passion of the players in these games and their just unrelenting effort to get a win is just something you don't see everyday. The first game i went to was the guys game. they were playing kalamazoo central in which every player was more athletic then el's players and had a guy dunk on them 5 times. They hung with them until the second half started quickly going down 12 by the end of the 3rd and then down 16 with 5 minutes to play and some how came back and won this game. I can remember playing and doing the same thing with my team but to do it in a regional game in which they werent suppose to make it to is just something i would pay more than the 5 dollar ticket every time. Tonight's game was the girls game and the east lansing girls are ranked #1 in class a for michigan and #8 for the midwest which is pretty sweet being from mid-michigan. They were definitely the favorites unlike the guys team and they had a nailbiter on their hands as well. they were up 10 early in the 3rd before grand haven came fighting back and eventually took a 3 point lead with a minute and half to go. The el girls could have felt sorry for themselves and gave up, but just like the guys they fought. They got a quick two and then fouled and then the gh girl missed the front end of a one and one and el got the rebound and got fouled on it. this next thing is something that is always either under appreciated or made to be the difference everytime. Sophomore forward bell had a 1 and 1 down 1 with 30 some seconds to go. she walks up and confidently knocks down both. Thats the thing, its just another free throw. players don't realize that. Free throws is what i prided myself on, well, those and threes. but even in a dramatic situation as that you just walk up confident and knock them down just like in practice and thats what she did. El ended up playing great defense and got the win. The passion of all 4 teams in these games was just evident and it was a complete pleasure to watch and reminded me the glory of high school sports and also the said reality that only 1 team wins their last game ever. There is always only one winner and the rest end their careers on a lost. But in the end thats why we play the game. The love of the sport. I cannot wait to coach one of these games myself. I also cannot wait to see the trojan boys take on battle creek central tomorrow night. I'm hoping its not as intense as these two because i'm not sure i can take much more excitement
The last two night I have witnessed something that I personally miss so much. I have gone to a guys regional semi basketball game and a girls quarterfinal game. First off, the thing that amazes me and dissapoints me about these games is El's student section. They show up in great numbers but are just so quiet. Their teams are amazing and all of their sports have had an incredible showing this year with football and soccer making to the state semi's and boys tennis winning a state title. You would think the students would have more spirit and enthusiasum when cheering on their beloved trojans but yet they get out done by schools that travel 2-3 hours away and have less kids there then them. That just astounds me especially in games as big as these.
anyways the passion of the players in these games and their just unrelenting effort to get a win is just something you don't see everyday. The first game i went to was the guys game. they were playing kalamazoo central in which every player was more athletic then el's players and had a guy dunk on them 5 times. They hung with them until the second half started quickly going down 12 by the end of the 3rd and then down 16 with 5 minutes to play and some how came back and won this game. I can remember playing and doing the same thing with my team but to do it in a regional game in which they werent suppose to make it to is just something i would pay more than the 5 dollar ticket every time. Tonight's game was the girls game and the east lansing girls are ranked #1 in class a for michigan and #8 for the midwest which is pretty sweet being from mid-michigan. They were definitely the favorites unlike the guys team and they had a nailbiter on their hands as well. they were up 10 early in the 3rd before grand haven came fighting back and eventually took a 3 point lead with a minute and half to go. The el girls could have felt sorry for themselves and gave up, but just like the guys they fought. They got a quick two and then fouled and then the gh girl missed the front end of a one and one and el got the rebound and got fouled on it. this next thing is something that is always either under appreciated or made to be the difference everytime. Sophomore forward bell had a 1 and 1 down 1 with 30 some seconds to go. she walks up and confidently knocks down both. Thats the thing, its just another free throw. players don't realize that. Free throws is what i prided myself on, well, those and threes. but even in a dramatic situation as that you just walk up confident and knock them down just like in practice and thats what she did. El ended up playing great defense and got the win. The passion of all 4 teams in these games was just evident and it was a complete pleasure to watch and reminded me the glory of high school sports and also the said reality that only 1 team wins their last game ever. There is always only one winner and the rest end their careers on a lost. But in the end thats why we play the game. The love of the sport. I cannot wait to coach one of these games myself. I also cannot wait to see the trojan boys take on battle creek central tomorrow night. I'm hoping its not as intense as these two because i'm not sure i can take much more excitement
Thursday, February 28, 2008
First one
So I thought maybe if I wrote some stuff down maybe it would help get this horrible feeling out of my heart and head that I have had for so long.
Well I don't know I just feel real empty inside the only things that I can say I actually truly like right now are my relationship with my parents, young life, and weight lifting. With my parents I eat dinner every Wednesday with my Mom and sometimes my dad will also tag along which I love and thats a good time something i look forward to every week. As for young life it truly is my passion, I love everyone of those kids. For example, this past weekend was so great. on saturday i went to a couple of my guys league swim meet and one of them afterwards sent me this text thanking me over and over and over for coming and taking time to do that for him which is something i did because i wanted to not just because of needing to because i do young life. It's really cool to see how relationships can develop so quickly and be so strong. Sunday, another kid at campaigners was just hangin all over me and this is a kid that has asked me to be his mentor so thats just so cool. the whole time he was just around me and thats sweet to have, ( someone who actually wants to be around you). Monday we had club and i was able to see a couple of guys i havent seen in a while and they were just as happy to see me as i was to see them, or at least it looked that way. so young life is definitely a high in my life. As for weight lifting its something that keeps my mind off of the bad things in my life right now. I also got up 200 today on bench which i have never done before because my body was just too small, so this has another plus which means im gaining weight hopefully!!! weighed in at a tiny 122 yesterday though so thats no good.
as for the bad things, they can basically be based around every other relationship possible in my life. I have been blowing every single one and thats causing other people to automatically shut down i think around me. be it roommates, teammates, classmates or just friends. A lot of my closest friendships are basically trash now honestly which hurts. I see them and it pains me because I feel like i have been completely replaced and maybe thats my own fault. i just don't really see much of a need for me in peoples lives. i just feel that i bring them down right now and that sucks, to be the one sucking life out of people. I feel like i have to act happy like i did back in my freshman year of high school. something is missing right now, half of me and the person i am is gone. Even with basketball which i played on saturday, i played really well scored basically when i wanted how i wanted and played unusually good defense for myself (i dont try as hard defensively which i should start doing) and that just didnt make me happy, i was getting mad at teammates shooting horrible shots and not working it around to get an open look and just something that stupid. But yeah thats life right now i guess for me.
Well I don't know I just feel real empty inside the only things that I can say I actually truly like right now are my relationship with my parents, young life, and weight lifting. With my parents I eat dinner every Wednesday with my Mom and sometimes my dad will also tag along which I love and thats a good time something i look forward to every week. As for young life it truly is my passion, I love everyone of those kids. For example, this past weekend was so great. on saturday i went to a couple of my guys league swim meet and one of them afterwards sent me this text thanking me over and over and over for coming and taking time to do that for him which is something i did because i wanted to not just because of needing to because i do young life. It's really cool to see how relationships can develop so quickly and be so strong. Sunday, another kid at campaigners was just hangin all over me and this is a kid that has asked me to be his mentor so thats just so cool. the whole time he was just around me and thats sweet to have, ( someone who actually wants to be around you). Monday we had club and i was able to see a couple of guys i havent seen in a while and they were just as happy to see me as i was to see them, or at least it looked that way. so young life is definitely a high in my life. As for weight lifting its something that keeps my mind off of the bad things in my life right now. I also got up 200 today on bench which i have never done before because my body was just too small, so this has another plus which means im gaining weight hopefully!!! weighed in at a tiny 122 yesterday though so thats no good.
as for the bad things, they can basically be based around every other relationship possible in my life. I have been blowing every single one and thats causing other people to automatically shut down i think around me. be it roommates, teammates, classmates or just friends. A lot of my closest friendships are basically trash now honestly which hurts. I see them and it pains me because I feel like i have been completely replaced and maybe thats my own fault. i just don't really see much of a need for me in peoples lives. i just feel that i bring them down right now and that sucks, to be the one sucking life out of people. I feel like i have to act happy like i did back in my freshman year of high school. something is missing right now, half of me and the person i am is gone. Even with basketball which i played on saturday, i played really well scored basically when i wanted how i wanted and played unusually good defense for myself (i dont try as hard defensively which i should start doing) and that just didnt make me happy, i was getting mad at teammates shooting horrible shots and not working it around to get an open look and just something that stupid. But yeah thats life right now i guess for me.
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