Balancing on a wire

So, one of my favorite verses in the Bible is 1st Corinthians 10:13. The Message Bibles version of this verse is the following...

No test or temptaion that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; He'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

This verse has gotten me through a lot in my life. Mainly the big struggle that we had with my eldest sister (if you would like to know what this is please ask I will tell you). Anyway this is one of the firsr verses I came across as a new christian fresh out of Young Life camp in North Carolina. I found it the day after I ran away from my house to get away from my sister. Life was rough. And I thought to myself this isn't that bad I will get through it and you know what I did. I have continually used it in my testimony that I tell people because I feel its an influential verse.

However, for some reason I have been doubting this verse or just wondering what exactly my limit is. I feel as though I am at my limit. 90-95% of my relationships have taken hits with probably half of those taking giant hits and being like ruined unintentially. For example this one friend and I were so close hanging out, talking about life all the time, and now its like an after thought. I'm an outcast and maybe I turned myself into that for being so somber and broken hearted. I mean sometimes I don't even want to be around myself sometimes. This group of us use to always go play tennis and now that its getting warmer that means more tennis. Which really might be my favorite sport to play. However, I was in my room the other night doing hw and they were in the other room talking about playing and bringing up the question who the 4th would be. One said well, drew will play. And then another said eh probably not lets get this person instead. To hear that shattered me and just showed how much these relationships have really changed. I am just full of this empty feeling. Like, I know God is there but its like there is a big sheet of glass in my way. Maybe I am being taught something that is just not catching on I am not sure. But this verse is scaring me right now because I feel I am at my limits and if I'm not i don't want to know what's going to happen next. Maybe it's just time to let everything out to someone, but after being shut down by so many people I don't know where to begin. I run to get it out now, but I can only run my little legs so far before I can't run anymore. I can only lift for so long before I lose muscle function.

Basically I'm lost, or at least I think I'm lost. God, show me my way out, don't let me down. Help me start climbing out of this hole, its deep and lonely. I love you please help