decisions

How do you know when something is right?? I have been trying to figure out that question for probably over a year and a half. What is the right decision with everything I decide to do. I feel like in some of my biggest decisions I always tend to choose the wrong thing. This effects relationships, jobs, summers, education, and my own feelings. Some of my decisions have come back to haunt me, some more than others. Maybe its the feeling of wanting what you can't have or wanting your cake and eating it too. I have chosen between colleges, sports, parties, girls, jobs, and other huge things. The last two seem to always screw me over the most. Now I don't regret any of these decisions but, I think sometimes i wish knew the plans God has for me. Like if he would just put giant billboards on jobs or decisions that are right and wrong. For example, walking down the street instead of just seeing a girl i would see the girl and a giant sign that says, nope bad choice, or like this is the girl you will marry talk to her. It would make things so much easier!! Yes i think also it would take the learning experience out of dating and stuff but it would lead to less brokenness i think. I just wish this would have been the case in my last 2 decisions:

One being this summer i have chosen to delay my entry into the military and continue schooling and not be delayed in that. This was a very tough choice but i feel like getting the education first will ultimately be a great decision. The money aspect of the military is just so helpful. Being able to graduate without a single loan is almost too good to pass up. But I have put my education and my younglife kids 1st before the money and I think that is what is right. I continue to struggle to put myself 1st in situations and constantly am thinking of others.

That last sentence ultimately brought pounds and pounds of stress on me last year as i was/put myself in an awful situation. If you know me you know what that situation was. I had to pick between two fantastic things. One which hurt me but was safe i thought and the other full of caring and compassion and what I thought would be a risk since i would have to put myself out there again. I made the safe choice which ultimately wasn't safe at all. I find myself now-a-days wanting the other. Like I said earlier I dont regret the choice I made, I kinda just wish I knew what I know now. That decision though ultimately screwed me over now that I am wanting this other thing. I've lost trust and reliability and the fact that I can't say whelp I won't hurt you since i already did. But I do treasure what I have now, but, can't something great be greater? Until then though, I will do what I can to gain the trust back and we will see what happens, it may be a stretch but I am willing to try. This thing is so pure and beautiful and compassionate and honest how can you pass it up

So heres to decision making and God teaching us lessons along the way